[He glances over, without seeing, and wishes that he could for a moment. If only so he could maybe try to gauge what response to give, as if even a human would be equipped to handle this kind of situation flawlessly.
He struggles with what to say for a moment. The last time anyone mentioned to him in such a straightforward way that they were afraid, it was Rin.]
...I wish that I could tell you something that would make it easier, or less frightening.
[But he can't think of a way to do that that wouldn't be false reassurances at best. He wishes that it could be different, too, but what does wishing really do?]
If there is any way in which you think I may be able to help you, moving forward, then please-- let me know. I don't believe I can do much, here. But I will do what's possible.
[ matsui's honesty is frightening in and of itself, but he still appreciates it. haru'd lied and told rin that things would be okay and that he'd be safe.
in the end, this is better. ]
I don't want to be a burden. I'll try not to ask too much. But... thanks. ...Thank you.
[ he can't deny that he's in over his head and the offer alone is nice. ]
You won't be a burden to me. I am a sword, after all.
[This is what he was made for - to help and protect humans, even if it means by cutting flesh and spilling blood. He has a human body, now, so he himself can choose who to protect and who to turn his blade against.
Part of it is certainly a feeling of debt toward Haru, but most is just the fact that he can't stand to see the lives of young civilians put at risk.
The thanks just earns him a gentle nod in return, though. It's the very least he can do, when he can do so very little.]
He doesn't feel like this is necessarily enough, or okay, but like. What is he gonna do, force Haru to ask for more?? He can at least just make it clear that he would be willing to do more, if ever asked.]
...If that is what you wish.
[Haru may regret these words on Saturday but it's fine.]
[Matsui allows the silence to stretch however Haru may like it, never having been an overly-talkative person, himself.
When the question comes, he answers without pause.]
Stay as long as you would like.
[Because he can offer very little, but he can at least sit with Haru in the same way he'd offered to before, when he'd held his hand in the water and asked if he would rather be alone. The cathedral is kind to him, as vast and indifferent as it may sometimes seem.
He hopes that Haru can find some solace in it, too.]
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he rests his forehead forward, against his knees. ]
I wanted it to be different.
[ he just wanted it to be a normal "game." a competition just like any other, where losing didn't scare him at all. ]
I'm afraid of this... momentum. [ someone is stirring movement, and there's no slowing down. ]
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He struggles with what to say for a moment. The last time anyone mentioned to him in such a straightforward way that they were afraid, it was Rin.]
...I wish that I could tell you something that would make it easier, or less frightening.
[But he can't think of a way to do that that wouldn't be false reassurances at best. He wishes that it could be different, too, but what does wishing really do?]
If there is any way in which you think I may be able to help you, moving forward, then please-- let me know. I don't believe I can do much, here. But I will do what's possible.
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in the end, this is better. ]
I don't want to be a burden. I'll try not to ask too much. But... thanks. ...Thank you.
[ he can't deny that he's in over his head and the offer alone is nice. ]
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[This is what he was made for - to help and protect humans, even if it means by cutting flesh and spilling blood. He has a human body, now, so he himself can choose who to protect and who to turn his blade against.
Part of it is certainly a feeling of debt toward Haru, but most is just the fact that he can't stand to see the lives of young civilians put at risk.
The thanks just earns him a gentle nod in return, though. It's the very least he can do, when he can do so very little.]
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[ it's enough to just sit in the quiet of this chapel, or by the side of an empty pool, and not to be alone. ]
I don't want to be a crack in your steel. [ it would be really nice not to watch anyone who's been nice to him this trial die. ]
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...You will not be. Don't be concerned.
[If he hasn't already shattered before now, then the weight of one more person won't crush him, at least.]
But I will abide by what you would like to see from me.
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I just want you to be yourself.
[ matsui and buzen both have offered too much in return for what's happened, when it wasn't their fault anyway. ]
You don't need to do more than that.
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He doesn't feel like this is necessarily enough, or okay, but like. What is he gonna do, force Haru to ask for more?? He can at least just make it clear that he would be willing to do more, if ever asked.]
...If that is what you wish.
[Haru may regret these words on Saturday but it's fine.]
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haru is not a moralistic kid—he likes matsui. for better or worse, he wants to accept the beautiful, dull, or deadly parts of a blade.
it's enough that he was kind and decent in this moment, when he lost an irreplaceable friend. ]
It is.
[ he's quiet for a moment longer, exhausted of things to say. ]
You're injured. Sorry. But—could I stay a little longer? [ it feels quiet and safe, here. ]
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When the question comes, he answers without pause.]
Stay as long as you would like.
[Because he can offer very little, but he can at least sit with Haru in the same way he'd offered to before, when he'd held his hand in the water and asked if he would rather be alone. The cathedral is kind to him, as vast and indifferent as it may sometimes seem.
He hopes that Haru can find some solace in it, too.]