[ we're all hitting curse pity and that's the only way to find peace. ]
...There's nothing wrong with me.
[ Rin and I are dating but he said we're not boyfriends. I don't know what this means. Maybe I should just attack him? I should've turned him into a horse who's in love with Dante who is also a horse. ]
I'm very serious, don't turn him into a horse that is in love with Dante, you will hate it.
[ said with the weight of horrible experience on his shoulders. anyway he was so busy being Normal during the Cats Jellicle Ball that he sort of missed some of this drama, but nodding slowly. ]
You've agreed you would like to date, but have you spoken about ... exactly what that means? You want him to be your boyfriend, yes?
[ anders you have been in the splash radius of so many curses. haru scoffs but he would ABSOLUTELY hate if rin was a horse in love with dante as a horse.
anyway why are they talking about this. ]
I... [ ???????? ] ...I guess. I don't know? I didn't realize there was a difference.
My-- ex, I suppose, kissed a version of Dante who was on the other side with him, and I was so angry I think I actually spit blood. I know what I'm talking about.
[ do you want really fucking terrible relationship advice from the guy who's murdered all of his boyfriends and some of his girlfriends? ]
It's simply ... a label can be difficult for some. Either through circumstance or personal feelings about it, or maybe in your case, inexperience. It could be he worries it would upset you for him to start calling you his boyfriend without asking you first? It's not always easy to be the first to ask something like that.
[ he does not know anders's relationship history though truthfully he would expect it to be bad because his existence feels a little bleak overall. anyway, he seems to give this considerable thought.
[ his thoughts are so intentionally trying not to go real Bummer right about now. ]
I don't know if you'd call what it was seeing each other. [ awkwardly picking at his sleeves. ] Hawke. I ... was in love with him for years. For one reason or another, it never quite worked out. I would push him away, or he would have other things on his mind. The circumstances weren't right. And I would have been cruel to ask such things anyway, when the cause was more important, and would always be more important to me than someone else could be.
When we both ended up in Heaven, it seems that he figured out he wanted me in return. But-- he was possessed. I didn't know if the things he told me where the things he believed or the things that whatever had taken over him wanted him to say.
[ eh its fine. his love life is so tragic and horrible you can't NOT hit a landmine. ]
I did still love him. And in many ways I always will. But some part of me was angry with him, and he did not know how to see that.
[ not to get too in the weeds because this is about rin being a Teen Boyfriend who is doing his best and not anders' no good very bad experiences but ]
Wis'adel claimed to love me as well. At least, some version of her. And would also choose my death for the gain of others. It isn't something I condemn either of them for, but it is ... not something I think that I can live with, in myself.
Rin perhaps did not say the exact correct words, but he did try and sacrifice himself for you. Gave up his prize for you. I think his actions speak quite loudly. He loves you a great deal.
[ okay well more seriously. it's incomparable—rin and haru are teenagers in their first relationship, making stumbling errors, and anders has a cosmic horror love life. he can't wrap his mind around it? he's going to stop being mad at rin in like, an evening, tops.
he starts again, a little halting. ]
I mean—I don't know... anything about this. [ he knows love, not romance ] But not wanting someone who's willing to kill you seems pretty basic. You matter to me, but not enough that I'd choose you...? Anyone should see how that's hurtful.
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...There's nothing wrong with me.
[ Rin and I are dating but he said we're not boyfriends. I don't know what this means. Maybe I should just attack him? I should've turned him into a horse who's in love with Dante who is also a horse. ]
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If you want to talk about it, I don't mind. [ sorry he's just going to talk anyway. ] When did he say you aren't boyfriends?
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he does not especially want to talk about it but here they are. ]
...Today. [ at the mini, in front of god and everyone. ]
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[ said with the weight of horrible experience on his shoulders. anyway he was so busy being Normal during the Cats Jellicle Ball that he sort of missed some of this drama, but nodding slowly. ]
You've agreed you would like to date, but have you spoken about ... exactly what that means? You want him to be your boyfriend, yes?
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anyway why are they talking about this. ]
I... [ ???????? ] ...I guess. I don't know? I didn't realize there was a difference.
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[ do you want really fucking terrible relationship advice from the guy who's murdered all of his boyfriends and some of his girlfriends? ]
It's simply ... a label can be difficult for some. Either through circumstance or personal feelings about it, or maybe in your case, inexperience. It could be he worries it would upset you for him to start calling you his boyfriend without asking you first? It's not always easy to be the first to ask something like that.
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I think I would spit blood too. ]
...You were seeing someone before?
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I don't know if you'd call what it was seeing each other. [ awkwardly picking at his sleeves. ] Hawke. I ... was in love with him for years. For one reason or another, it never quite worked out. I would push him away, or he would have other things on his mind. The circumstances weren't right. And I would have been cruel to ask such things anyway, when the cause was more important, and would always be more important to me than someone else could be.
When we both ended up in Heaven, it seems that he figured out he wanted me in return. But-- he was possessed. I didn't know if the things he told me where the things he believed or the things that whatever had taken over him wanted him to say.
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Why are so many people possessed...? ]
...I think it can still work. As long as both of you have something you find important, together.
Do you think you could talk to him again? Once all this is over...
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I suppose it's possible to speak. But we could not travel worlds like some of you can. We chose to go different places.
... He was the one who executed me, in life. Not in one of these games, but before I ended up in Heaven.
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He killed you, but you still loved him...?
[ maybe it's like the executions here, where their hands are forced. something that you can put in the past quickly enough. ]
Or... maybe you didn't love him that way anymore, by the time he confessed?
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I did still love him. And in many ways I always will. But some part of me was angry with him, and he did not know how to see that.
[ not to get too in the weeds because this is about rin being a Teen Boyfriend who is doing his best and not anders' no good very bad experiences but ]
Wis'adel claimed to love me as well. At least, some version of her. And would also choose my death for the gain of others. It isn't something I condemn either of them for, but it is ... not something I think that I can live with, in myself.
Rin perhaps did not say the exact correct words, but he did try and sacrifice himself for you. Gave up his prize for you. I think his actions speak quite loudly. He loves you a great deal.
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...I think you can condemn them a little...?
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he starts again, a little halting. ]
I mean—I don't know... anything about this. [ he knows love, not romance ] But not wanting someone who's willing to kill you seems pretty basic. You matter to me, but not enough that I'd choose you...? Anyone should see how that's hurtful.