It hardly makes things even. A sword is as dangerous as a spell in the wrong hands, and leaves anyone else vulnerable to it. [ going to lean against the counter instead, crossing his arms. ] ... They did? What does "powers" mean?
[ it's not even, there's always the disadvantage of not being a war-grizzled veteran. but maybe this will be one of those games where everyone kills combat-fit grown men. ]
Abilities. Like healing, poison, or controlling the wind.
[ well, he understands that on a certain level. to be burdened with it, to not know how to wield it, and be able to shed it when the time is done. ]
There was a time when I prayed to the Maker to take it from me. Now, it feels as if I am missing a limb without it. It feels almost like a joke, that these places can take and give it so easily, considering all of the blood shed for it where I am from.
[ tuesday is also fine. so much has happened. since they have a sim room, it's a beach. a nice beach? the kind of beach where pirates might frolic on a sunny day, in fact, but there are none. it's not busy at all, and there's a very modest, clean pier with some everyday businesses running parallel to the water, rather than a packed boardwalk. ]
...Maybe I should've made it a pool.
[ to show anders what a pool is. but a beach feels easier to digest? ]
[ for the record losing his arm w0 means i will forget periodically for 7 weeks that it's not there. anyway, they can stick to the sand—the simulation is close to sunrise, with the tide rolling far inland, so the water creeps up close anyway. ]
My hometown.
[ small normiesville town, japan. ]
...Fewer raiders and monsters than you're used to?
[ they talked plenty yesterday and it was all sort of a blur, but he'll find anders for a chat separately. offering him a milkshake from the milk bar. i guess this can be jd's room. ]
[ it's jd's room that jd is lending to anders. haru looks surprised that he would not be content in the cat palace, his emotions reflect this is sincere. ]
...Yes. [ happie. this is also sincere. ] Has she been giving you much trouble?
Ah... [ it's strange how much framing matters, when he views anders and justice as two very separate entities, and the lines feel more blurred for ylfa. ] Do you have a similar... relationship with Justice?
[ this is so beyond his realm of comprehension and only something he's grasping after a game of neverafters. ]
[ we're all hitting curse pity and that's the only way to find peace. ]
...There's nothing wrong with me.
[ Rin and I are dating but he said we're not boyfriends. I don't know what this means. Maybe I should just attack him? I should've turned him into a horse who's in love with Dante who is also a horse. ]
I'm very serious, don't turn him into a horse that is in love with Dante, you will hate it.
[ said with the weight of horrible experience on his shoulders. anyway he was so busy being Normal during the Cats Jellicle Ball that he sort of missed some of this drama, but nodding slowly. ]
You've agreed you would like to date, but have you spoken about ... exactly what that means? You want him to be your boyfriend, yes?
[ anders you have been in the splash radius of so many curses. haru scoffs but he would ABSOLUTELY hate if rin was a horse in love with dante as a horse.
anyway why are they talking about this. ]
I... [ ???????? ] ...I guess. I don't know? I didn't realize there was a difference.
My-- ex, I suppose, kissed a version of Dante who was on the other side with him, and I was so angry I think I actually spit blood. I know what I'm talking about.
[ do you want really fucking terrible relationship advice from the guy who's murdered all of his boyfriends and some of his girlfriends? ]
It's simply ... a label can be difficult for some. Either through circumstance or personal feelings about it, or maybe in your case, inexperience. It could be he worries it would upset you for him to start calling you his boyfriend without asking you first? It's not always easy to be the first to ask something like that.
[ he does not know anders's relationship history though truthfully he would expect it to be bad because his existence feels a little bleak overall. anyway, he seems to give this considerable thought.
[ his thoughts are so intentionally trying not to go real Bummer right about now. ]
I don't know if you'd call what it was seeing each other. [ awkwardly picking at his sleeves. ] Hawke. I ... was in love with him for years. For one reason or another, it never quite worked out. I would push him away, or he would have other things on his mind. The circumstances weren't right. And I would have been cruel to ask such things anyway, when the cause was more important, and would always be more important to me than someone else could be.
When we both ended up in Heaven, it seems that he figured out he wanted me in return. But-- he was possessed. I didn't know if the things he told me where the things he believed or the things that whatever had taken over him wanted him to say.
[ eh its fine. his love life is so tragic and horrible you can't NOT hit a landmine. ]
I did still love him. And in many ways I always will. But some part of me was angry with him, and he did not know how to see that.
[ not to get too in the weeds because this is about rin being a Teen Boyfriend who is doing his best and not anders' no good very bad experiences but ]
Wis'adel claimed to love me as well. At least, some version of her. And would also choose my death for the gain of others. It isn't something I condemn either of them for, but it is ... not something I think that I can live with, in myself.
Rin perhaps did not say the exact correct words, but he did try and sacrifice himself for you. Gave up his prize for you. I think his actions speak quite loudly. He loves you a great deal.
[ I KNOW I FEEL LIKE IVE BEEN HIT BY A BUS AND THE BUS BACKED UP OVER ME ]
He did say that. [ ... ] While I believe strongly in uncovering the truth of the trials, of knowing who did it, I do not think the vote is so clear cut. There is no wrong or right or moral answer. It is simply what it is.
...I wasn't even looking the right way to find the truth today. [ is he so blinded by his team that he doesn't consider them as suspects properly... ] But there can't be a right answer when this whole place is so wrong. [ I feel like I apologize to Kate and Rin every week. ]
[ okay well more seriously. it's incomparable—rin and haru are teenagers in their first relationship, making stumbling errors, and anders has a cosmic horror love life. he can't wrap his mind around it? he's going to stop being mad at rin in like, an evening, tops.
he starts again, a little halting. ]
I mean—I don't know... anything about this. [ he knows love, not romance ] But not wanting someone who's willing to kill you seems pretty basic. You matter to me, but not enough that I'd choose you...? Anyone should see how that's hurtful.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
intro ; saturday
...You don't have powers or anything, do you?
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Here? No. They've suppressed my magic, just as before.
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...Yeah. Even playing ground. [ for normies like him. he stares at some off-brand ibuprofin. ] They gave us powers last time though.
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It hardly makes things even. A sword is as dangerous as a spell in the wrong hands, and leaves anyone else vulnerable to it. [ going to lean against the counter instead, crossing his arms. ] ... They did? What does "powers" mean?
[ magic ]
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Abilities. Like healing, poison, or controlling the wind.
[ 'fuck up trial' powers... ]
I guess we don't even get that here.
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[ its not an eviable position where he's from. ]
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It was interesting. [ they used magic to make ice cream ] There was the option of becoming more... powerful. I guess. But I don't miss it.
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There was a time when I prayed to the Maker to take it from me. Now, it feels as if I am missing a limb without it. It feels almost like a joke, that these places can take and give it so easily, considering all of the blood shed for it where I am from.
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...Why do people fight over it so much?
w1 mon
...Maybe I should've made it a pool.
[ to show anders what a pool is. but a beach feels easier to digest? ]
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[ that is still missing. he will take a look around here instead, kind of happy that it's a nice scene rather than. a pool. ]
A place you know?
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My hometown.
[ small normiesville town, japan. ]
...Fewer raiders and monsters than you're used to?
w5 tues
...How are you settling back in?
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Well. It might be slightly easier if I had an actual bedroom to settle into.
[ hes just complaining for no reason. he's fine. ]
... You must be happy, to see Ylfa.
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...Yes. [ happie. this is also sincere. ] Has she been giving you much trouble?
[ even though she is the host ]
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[ even though she has been CLAIMING to HARU that anders has been mean to her. he's only been a little mean. mildly unpleasant at worst. ]
We have a few things in common, I believe, that may or may not be a bad thing.
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however, he is happy to have their grumpy uncle back. ]
...Yeah? Like what? [ ylfa and anders have both had difficult lives, so this is not surprising. ]
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Mainly the violent possession.
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Ah... [ it's strange how much framing matters, when he views anders and justice as two very separate entities, and the lines feel more blurred for ylfa. ] Do you have a similar... relationship with Justice?
[ this is so beyond his realm of comprehension and only something he's grasping after a game of neverafters. ]
w6 mon
checking out this mini chainsaw like why. ]
Isn't this too obvious?
[ these locations are so murdery ]
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I think they're being a little heavy-handed at this point.
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[ haru does not know there will be news of preferring more achievements at 7pm monday ]
Tired of following a bunch of dead auditors' scripts...
w6 weds
hello. ]
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... Are you alright?
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squints. ]
...Are you?
[ mr airport man ]
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[ i dont know how long he's been Normal and if he is still is or not. Normality is a burden. ]
Talk about whatever is wrong with you instead.
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...There's nothing wrong with me.
[ Rin and I are dating but he said we're not boyfriends. I don't know what this means. Maybe I should just attack him? I should've turned him into a horse who's in love with Dante who is also a horse. ]
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If you want to talk about it, I don't mind. [ sorry he's just going to talk anyway. ] When did he say you aren't boyfriends?
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he does not especially want to talk about it but here they are. ]
...Today. [ at the mini, in front of god and everyone. ]
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[ said with the weight of horrible experience on his shoulders. anyway he was so busy being Normal during the Cats Jellicle Ball that he sort of missed some of this drama, but nodding slowly. ]
You've agreed you would like to date, but have you spoken about ... exactly what that means? You want him to be your boyfriend, yes?
no subject
anyway why are they talking about this. ]
I... [ ???????? ] ...I guess. I don't know? I didn't realize there was a difference.
no subject
[ do you want really fucking terrible relationship advice from the guy who's murdered all of his boyfriends and some of his girlfriends? ]
It's simply ... a label can be difficult for some. Either through circumstance or personal feelings about it, or maybe in your case, inexperience. It could be he worries it would upset you for him to start calling you his boyfriend without asking you first? It's not always easy to be the first to ask something like that.
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I think I would spit blood too. ]
...You were seeing someone before?
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I don't know if you'd call what it was seeing each other. [ awkwardly picking at his sleeves. ] Hawke. I ... was in love with him for years. For one reason or another, it never quite worked out. I would push him away, or he would have other things on his mind. The circumstances weren't right. And I would have been cruel to ask such things anyway, when the cause was more important, and would always be more important to me than someone else could be.
When we both ended up in Heaven, it seems that he figured out he wanted me in return. But-- he was possessed. I didn't know if the things he told me where the things he believed or the things that whatever had taken over him wanted him to say.
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Why are so many people possessed...? ]
...I think it can still work. As long as both of you have something you find important, together.
Do you think you could talk to him again? Once all this is over...
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I suppose it's possible to speak. But we could not travel worlds like some of you can. We chose to go different places.
... He was the one who executed me, in life. Not in one of these games, but before I ended up in Heaven.
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He killed you, but you still loved him...?
[ maybe it's like the executions here, where their hands are forced. something that you can put in the past quickly enough. ]
Or... maybe you didn't love him that way anymore, by the time he confessed?
W6 - SATURDAY
[ frowns at scapegoat 3. ]
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I did still love him. And in many ways I always will. But some part of me was angry with him, and he did not know how to see that.
[ not to get too in the weeds because this is about rin being a Teen Boyfriend who is doing his best and not anders' no good very bad experiences but ]
Wis'adel claimed to love me as well. At least, some version of her. And would also choose my death for the gain of others. It isn't something I condemn either of them for, but it is ... not something I think that I can live with, in myself.
Rin perhaps did not say the exact correct words, but he did try and sacrifice himself for you. Gave up his prize for you. I think his actions speak quite loudly. He loves you a great deal.
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...I know Dante said he was going to kill, but it still doesn't feel right.
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He did say that. [ ... ] While I believe strongly in uncovering the truth of the trials, of knowing who did it, I do not think the vote is so clear cut. There is no wrong or right or moral answer. It is simply what it is.
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...I wasn't even looking the right way to find the truth today. [ is he so blinded by his team that he doesn't consider them as suspects properly... ] But there can't be a right answer when this whole place is so wrong. [ I feel like I apologize to Kate and Rin every week. ]
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...I think you can condemn them a little...?
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he starts again, a little halting. ]
I mean—I don't know... anything about this. [ he knows love, not romance ] But not wanting someone who's willing to kill you seems pretty basic. You matter to me, but not enough that I'd choose you...? Anyone should see how that's hurtful.
w7 sat
it's actually just clean and fine. he is cooking dinner, because this is habit now after "trial." ]
We're done.
[ we're done... ]
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[ anders dont say such horrible things ]
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[ JUST DON'T!!!!!!! ]
Tell me what's next for you instead.