[ his thoughts are so intentionally trying not to go real Bummer right about now. ]
I don't know if you'd call what it was seeing each other. [ awkwardly picking at his sleeves. ] Hawke. I ... was in love with him for years. For one reason or another, it never quite worked out. I would push him away, or he would have other things on his mind. The circumstances weren't right. And I would have been cruel to ask such things anyway, when the cause was more important, and would always be more important to me than someone else could be.
When we both ended up in Heaven, it seems that he figured out he wanted me in return. But-- he was possessed. I didn't know if the things he told me where the things he believed or the things that whatever had taken over him wanted him to say.
[ eh its fine. his love life is so tragic and horrible you can't NOT hit a landmine. ]
I did still love him. And in many ways I always will. But some part of me was angry with him, and he did not know how to see that.
[ not to get too in the weeds because this is about rin being a Teen Boyfriend who is doing his best and not anders' no good very bad experiences but ]
Wis'adel claimed to love me as well. At least, some version of her. And would also choose my death for the gain of others. It isn't something I condemn either of them for, but it is ... not something I think that I can live with, in myself.
Rin perhaps did not say the exact correct words, but he did try and sacrifice himself for you. Gave up his prize for you. I think his actions speak quite loudly. He loves you a great deal.
[ okay well more seriously. it's incomparable—rin and haru are teenagers in their first relationship, making stumbling errors, and anders has a cosmic horror love life. he can't wrap his mind around it? he's going to stop being mad at rin in like, an evening, tops.
he starts again, a little halting. ]
I mean—I don't know... anything about this. [ he knows love, not romance ] But not wanting someone who's willing to kill you seems pretty basic. You matter to me, but not enough that I'd choose you...? Anyone should see how that's hurtful.
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I don't know if you'd call what it was seeing each other. [ awkwardly picking at his sleeves. ] Hawke. I ... was in love with him for years. For one reason or another, it never quite worked out. I would push him away, or he would have other things on his mind. The circumstances weren't right. And I would have been cruel to ask such things anyway, when the cause was more important, and would always be more important to me than someone else could be.
When we both ended up in Heaven, it seems that he figured out he wanted me in return. But-- he was possessed. I didn't know if the things he told me where the things he believed or the things that whatever had taken over him wanted him to say.
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Why are so many people possessed...? ]
...I think it can still work. As long as both of you have something you find important, together.
Do you think you could talk to him again? Once all this is over...
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I suppose it's possible to speak. But we could not travel worlds like some of you can. We chose to go different places.
... He was the one who executed me, in life. Not in one of these games, but before I ended up in Heaven.
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He killed you, but you still loved him...?
[ maybe it's like the executions here, where their hands are forced. something that you can put in the past quickly enough. ]
Or... maybe you didn't love him that way anymore, by the time he confessed?
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I did still love him. And in many ways I always will. But some part of me was angry with him, and he did not know how to see that.
[ not to get too in the weeds because this is about rin being a Teen Boyfriend who is doing his best and not anders' no good very bad experiences but ]
Wis'adel claimed to love me as well. At least, some version of her. And would also choose my death for the gain of others. It isn't something I condemn either of them for, but it is ... not something I think that I can live with, in myself.
Rin perhaps did not say the exact correct words, but he did try and sacrifice himself for you. Gave up his prize for you. I think his actions speak quite loudly. He loves you a great deal.
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...I think you can condemn them a little...?
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he starts again, a little halting. ]
I mean—I don't know... anything about this. [ he knows love, not romance ] But not wanting someone who's willing to kill you seems pretty basic. You matter to me, but not enough that I'd choose you...? Anyone should see how that's hurtful.