Matsui gives him a little look at that emotional rise, but doesn't say anything aloud. There is some faint whisper of concern, though. None Of These Kids Are Alright.
As for the question, Matsui replies very Catholicly.]
It serves as a reminder. Most of my damages occur because of mistakes I make that cost others in blood, so the least I can do is retain it for as long as possible, rather than wiping it away as though it never existed.
Matsui's emotions just remain in the same perpetual melancholic state, but there's something a little hesitant because he simply does not know how to explain Catholic guilt to this teenage normie.]
...Because all of the physical and emotional weight that I can carry is still not enough to compare to the loss of one life. The scales can't be balanced, but I would still like to do what I can.
feeling guilty about killing someone seems normal to him; having any amount of empathy would make it unbearable, he thinks. just living life, every happiness tinged with memories of robbing someone else of theirs.
but matsui is a spirit—he'd assume it would be different for him. haru reaches for some small, pink wildflowers. ]
You're right. There's no amount of remorse that brings the dead back. [ even here. ] ...But neither does pain.
[ justice, revenge, the metaphorical evening of the scales—none of that matters to the dead, do they? ]
[It's a kind sentiment, and one that moves him somewhat, in a sad sort of way. Matsui thinks he suffers as much as he deserves to.
Wordlessly, he plucks up a little blue flower and reaches forward to tuck it behind Haru's ear. There's a little soft thread of gratitude.]
You have a kind heart.
[At least, the heart that he's seen so far is kind. All the more unfair that he's had to suffer through such a loss. Rin, he thinks, also had a kind heart.
Life is largely unkind, though. It seems like death is much the same.]
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no subject
Matsui gives him a little look at that emotional rise, but doesn't say anything aloud. There is some faint whisper of concern, though. None Of These Kids Are Alright.
As for the question, Matsui replies very Catholicly.]
It serves as a reminder. Most of my damages occur because of mistakes I make that cost others in blood, so the least I can do is retain it for as long as possible, rather than wiping it away as though it never existed.
no subject
You have human feelings now though.
[ haru is not catholic so he doesn't understand this sort of guilt i guess. the levels of self-flagellation in this place puzzles him. ]
The damage will last in your heart, even if you let your body heal.
no subject
I know. But I prefer to carry both.
[Sometimes the hurt in your miserable little heart just doesn't feel like enough.]
no subject
...Why?
[ his emotions are—not really curious. more concerned. ]
no subject
Matsui's emotions just remain in the same perpetual melancholic state, but there's something a little hesitant because he simply does not know how to explain Catholic guilt to this teenage normie.]
...Because all of the physical and emotional weight that I can carry is still not enough to compare to the loss of one life. The scales can't be balanced, but I would still like to do what I can.
no subject
feeling guilty about killing someone seems normal to him; having any amount of empathy would make it unbearable, he thinks. just living life, every happiness tinged with memories of robbing someone else of theirs.
but matsui is a spirit—he'd assume it would be different for him. haru reaches for some small, pink wildflowers. ]
You're right. There's no amount of remorse that brings the dead back. [ even here. ] ...But neither does pain.
[ justice, revenge, the metaphorical evening of the scales—none of that matters to the dead, do they? ]
I just hope you don't suffer needlessly.
no subject
Wordlessly, he plucks up a little blue flower and reaches forward to tuck it behind Haru's ear. There's a little soft thread of gratitude.]
You have a kind heart.
[At least, the heart that he's seen so far is kind. All the more unfair that he's had to suffer through such a loss. Rin, he thinks, also had a kind heart.
Life is largely unkind, though. It seems like death is much the same.]