[ he doesn't know what was supposed to happen, but it wasn't this. he never has plans for when trials spiral out of his control. he doesn't know what the right answer is, so he sets that aside, his other concerns rising above it. ]
...Are you okay, by the way? [ ARE YOU GUYS LIKE, GOOD? ]
[ he would like to know what should have happened himself, but you know. here we are. there isn't anything they can do now, and he is once again so tired of being powerless. ]
... there's a lot that still has to happen, but... I won't lie to you and say my priority right now isn't what's going to happen to Siff tomorrow. [ yes, yes, his team, but... that's a lil fella and he is absolutely feeling like garbage for questioning them in trial today. ]
[ he can understand that. the fear of a team wipe does not mean you can't have other fears. many things can happen, and sometimes one feels more urgent than another. ]
In the Reaper's Game, it didn't matter if someone was innocent. They still died on Sundays. [ he expects the same tomorrow, and his heart aches for it. ] I don't know what the right choice was today. What we should've... really done.
... the participants in Heaven never experienced a wrong vote. I don't know what would've happened if they had, but considering everything it would've likely been the same way. Someone still has to complete the cycle. [ unfair as it is. ]
It's... I don't know either. Maybe it really was as simple as Childe and Manwol took each other out, and we were meant to figure out who killed Shen. [ ... ] But I can admit I panicked a little, in the end. Even if I know I shouldn't have.
[ unfair as it is. unfair as it always ever is. he's quiet, though it's the stressed sort of quiet rather than anything more placid. ]
...I panicked too.
[ for rin reasons. ]
But that's bound to happen. It always does. I've done it too, and—there's never enough time to think. You just act. Siffrin didn't make any sense, but... everyone had to pick a name.
[ he's not really the type to stay mad at people forever, but his frustration is there, aimless. ]
All for the drama, right? [ irritated. he's getting even more annoyed with this game the longer it goes, and he can't even imagine how everybody else feels having to do this twice. at least the first time he didn't have to vote. ]
... Siff was our last possessed killer in Heaven. We contained the source of the possession but it was too late to stop it from happening. So when I noticed things weren't... when they were being cagey, it reminded me of that. They didn't remember all of the details of what they had done then. But the participants caught them because Marcoh had an item to catch them in a lie.
I don't know how to tell them I voted for them. Maybe I never can. [ ... ] But I also can't blame anyone for looking another way when there was an answer that was worse.
[ he grabs a fistful of his own shirt, just to tense his fingers around something. ]
Siffrin usually seems a little... [ how to say ] cagey. I think they just get confused, or nervous... or they don't care if they're accused, whether they're guilty or not.
[ haru had called him out on it before. yet here they are. ]
I don't think they'd hold it against you. No one would. They were accused, and they were acting a little strange, so of course... [ he trails off. he hates how predictable it all is. ] I don't want to think that anyone is a better or worse option. I'm tired of thinking that way.
They have memory problems, plus some of the things they've experienced in their loops have really messed them up, I think. I've tried to talk to them about it before because... I mean, I get it, but sometimes people aren't ready to really talk about it. I get it. But it's also a little frustrating because then stuff like this happens when it shouldn't have.
[ but he sighs. ]
I don't want to keep thinking about this in terms of who is and isn't a better choice to execute either. Regardless of what's happening it's still on us to pick what we do, and it's not a choice most of us are even qualified to make. When you think about it, it all boils down to who we decide we don't want to lose. And it's a shitty position for all of us.
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no subject
[ he doesn't know what was supposed to happen, but it wasn't this. he never has plans for when trials spiral out of his control. he doesn't know what the right answer is, so he sets that aside, his other concerns rising above it. ]
...Are you okay, by the way? [ ARE YOU GUYS LIKE, GOOD? ]
no subject
... there's a lot that still has to happen, but... I won't lie to you and say my priority right now isn't what's going to happen to Siff tomorrow. [ yes, yes, his team, but... that's a lil fella and he is absolutely feeling like garbage for questioning them in trial today. ]
no subject
[ he can understand that. the fear of a team wipe does not mean you can't have other fears. many things can happen, and sometimes one feels more urgent than another. ]
In the Reaper's Game, it didn't matter if someone was innocent. They still died on Sundays. [ he expects the same tomorrow, and his heart aches for it. ] I don't know what the right choice was today. What we should've... really done.
no subject
It's... I don't know either. Maybe it really was as simple as Childe and Manwol took each other out, and we were meant to figure out who killed Shen. [ ... ] But I can admit I panicked a little, in the end. Even if I know I shouldn't have.
no subject
...I panicked too.
[ for rin reasons. ]
But that's bound to happen. It always does. I've done it too, and—there's never enough time to think. You just act. Siffrin didn't make any sense, but... everyone had to pick a name.
[ he's not really the type to stay mad at people forever, but his frustration is there, aimless. ]
no subject
... Siff was our last possessed killer in Heaven. We contained the source of the possession but it was too late to stop it from happening. So when I noticed things weren't... when they were being cagey, it reminded me of that. They didn't remember all of the details of what they had done then. But the participants caught them because Marcoh had an item to catch them in a lie.
I don't know how to tell them I voted for them. Maybe I never can. [ ... ] But I also can't blame anyone for looking another way when there was an answer that was worse.
[ you know. like rin. ]
no subject
Siffrin usually seems a little... [ how to say ] cagey. I think they just get confused, or nervous... or they don't care if they're accused, whether they're guilty or not.
[ haru had called him out on it before. yet here they are. ]
I don't think they'd hold it against you. No one would. They were accused, and they were acting a little strange, so of course... [ he trails off. he hates how predictable it all is. ] I don't want to think that anyone is a better or worse option. I'm tired of thinking that way.
no subject
[ but he sighs. ]
I don't want to keep thinking about this in terms of who is and isn't a better choice to execute either. Regardless of what's happening it's still on us to pick what we do, and it's not a choice most of us are even qualified to make. When you think about it, it all boils down to who we decide we don't want to lose. And it's a shitty position for all of us.