[ he has a complicated relationship with murder, and the aftermath. still, he can't help some relief, traitorous and small. he wants people to be upset. he is grateful also when they aren't. watches some jellies as they pulse by. ]
I'd ask when you figured it out, but it sounds like everyone did.
That's what he said to me, too. [ and his own feelings are kind of just a little squirrely, but they're mostly just kind of soft and calming. genuinely not upset, weirdly. ]
I wasn't sure how it all tied together until I talked to Rin, but I did have my suspicions. So... I wanted to come check on you, too. It's not an easy thing to handle, even if you've done it a lot before.
[ god you guys really all did this the week ylfa was on this side didn't you. ]
[ jonas your chill vibes. they do help a little, but he casts a very somber atmosphere anyway. we really did this to ylfa. ]
Ah. [ how is he feeling... he doesn't know how to express that. sad, grateful, guilty, relieved. ] I always feel a little strange at how nice people are about it...
[ it would've been much more complicated if he'd killed someone jonas was very close to, of course, but it's still strange to be treated with neutrality and understanding. ]
[ it's debatable how he would feel, frankly, but this isn't about him. ]
Because it feels like people should be angry since it's still taking someone's life? [ he turns to watch the fishes in front of them in their happy, safe tank. ] I think... we're at the part where people know what has to happen in order to help everyone. Some people will be upset about the choices, but some people understand at the end of the day we don't really have much of one to start with.
... and anyway, I don't think Ryo had many fans to begin with.
[ it does feel like people should be angry. someone should be angry. but they have a small pack of survivors left, and most of them understand what has to happen here. it becomes a fight, of logic and emotion, and for haru it's usually the latter that wins out.
but maybe it's not the case for everyone. ]
I wasn't possessed. It's still a choice I made. But... Asuka made his choices too. [ he doesn't expect ryo even really cared. ] So did Matsuno, with his lies. It still... doesn't feel right.
[ his feelings really are just vague frustration haru and rin ended up in this situation. my feelings are bafflement that i fell asleep on top of this tag at some point yesterday. ]
It's not going to feel right because you still have morals and a conscience, Haru. That's a good thing. Guilt isn't a bad thing to feel, even when people are telling you you did it for the betterment of all of us, or the ends justify the means. That's the difference between you and somebody like Ryo. The most, I think, that you can do is just... learn to work with it. It's sometimes hard to accept that you've done these things, but it's not like they make up the entirety of who you are or change your whole personality.
[ which is why the feelings are also a little sympathetic and mostly just... a little relieved that haru does feel something about it at all. ]
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It's okay.
[ his feelings are a mess, but it really is fine to talk. or come watch fish with him. ]
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... I'm not mad. I had to clarify that with Rin, too. So I'm saying it just in case.
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[ he has a complicated relationship with murder, and the aftermath. still, he can't help some relief, traitorous and small. he wants people to be upset. he is grateful also when they aren't. watches some jellies as they pulse by. ]
I'd ask when you figured it out, but it sounds like everyone did.
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I wasn't sure how it all tied together until I talked to Rin, but I did have my suspicions. So... I wanted to come check on you, too. It's not an easy thing to handle, even if you've done it a lot before.
[ god you guys really all did this the week ylfa was on this side didn't you. ]
How are you actually feeling, Haru?
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Ah. [ how is he feeling... he doesn't know how to express that. sad, grateful, guilty, relieved. ] I always feel a little strange at how nice people are about it...
[ it would've been much more complicated if he'd killed someone jonas was very close to, of course, but it's still strange to be treated with neutrality and understanding. ]
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Because it feels like people should be angry since it's still taking someone's life? [ he turns to watch the fishes in front of them in their happy, safe tank. ] I think... we're at the part where people know what has to happen in order to help everyone. Some people will be upset about the choices, but some people understand at the end of the day we don't really have much of one to start with.
... and anyway, I don't think Ryo had many fans to begin with.
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...
[ it does feel like people should be angry. someone should be angry. but they have a small pack of survivors left, and most of them understand what has to happen here. it becomes a fight, of logic and emotion, and for haru it's usually the latter that wins out.
but maybe it's not the case for everyone. ]
I wasn't possessed. It's still a choice I made. But... Asuka made his choices too. [ he doesn't expect ryo even really cared. ] So did Matsuno, with his lies. It still... doesn't feel right.
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It's not going to feel right because you still have morals and a conscience, Haru. That's a good thing. Guilt isn't a bad thing to feel, even when people are telling you you did it for the betterment of all of us, or the ends justify the means. That's the difference between you and somebody like Ryo. The most, I think, that you can do is just... learn to work with it. It's sometimes hard to accept that you've done these things, but it's not like they make up the entirety of who you are or change your whole personality.
[ which is why the feelings are also a little sympathetic and mostly just... a little relieved that haru does feel something about it at all. ]