[ rin really had left them all the needed to solve this. haru had been angry at him—for dying, for not giving them a better hallucination, for a lot of things—but rin had done almost everything right, actually. haru's the one who couldn't really piece it together. ]
He must've been. [ ... ] You're right. He'd been fighting.
I should appreciate how brave that is. But... I can't stop thinking of how scared he must've been.
[ oh no the sad icon. they should've killed haru, rin would've been better at comforting her. he'll at least lean against her side, though it feels as much for her own sake than his. weakly, ]
[ sometimes all you can do is feel sad together. ]
...It is. [ he'd really thought that if they focused on working with others and making themselves a small target, they wouldn't be hit. as scared as he'd been for his safety, he'd thought rin's kindness would attract a different sort of attention.
he just lets things be quiet for a moment, but that gets oppressive. ] What do you want to do now, Ylfa? I'll help you and Gerard no matter what.
[ from the tightness in his voice, it's not nobility, but desperation—they're all that's left. ]
[ he looks off at nothing in particular. a weird splotch on the concrete of their warehouse. their colorful, eclectic furniture that seems too bright now. ]
Someone asked me what I would do now. Because getting Rin back means I have to win. When... I would've been okay. Just living out the time we have. [ as long as they worked hard together. as long as they survived. ]
[she swallows, looking at it as well. the portrait of all of them as birds, the balloons, which are probably deflated by now. their chart of team ratings]
...Did you know, too? That we were never going to win by having the highest coolness and swimability. But it was a game that I was having fun playing.
[ he doesn't answer the first question right away. ]
I knew. [ he thinks at heart, no matter how lighthearted things were, they all knew. rin, too. he sounds defeated, though he smiles as a helpless little gesture. ] But I was having fun too. We're a good team. ...The best one here.
[ not because he thought they would soundly beat out the competition with their coolness alone, but he felt they were on the same wavelength. he looks over rin's messy handwriting on their wall, bumpy with the uneven texture. it's bold and brash; each word he wrote is bigger than haru's tidy notes. like even that was a competition between them. ]
I don't want to win. I've never cared about winning anything—Rin's always been the competitive one. I don't know... where to go. Since he isn't pushing me anymore.
[she agrees. they all died and were forced into a murder competition and it was still fun. they were happy for a little while. it hurts to lose that most of all.]
I can try to push you, if that's what you need. But I don't really want to. I like you the way you are.
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and despite haru's tendency to isolate, he never actually minds their company. they can sit here together. ]
It was. [ ... ] I started to doubt it. I didn't think they'd help us... as much as they did. If they were the culprits.
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[damn!! maybe they should have approached bdsm for an alliance! just kidding, can you imagine.]
And I didn't...if Rin had chosen them for a different reason to give a message to, I didn't want to hurt them.
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[ they really are honorable in a way he can't even comprehend. maybe they should've teamed up with them so they wouldn't kill rin. lol. ]
...I guess it was that easy. But I still don't understand Rin's message.
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[it doesn't really make her feel better. it makes her sad, to picture rin having to think of those things, to make plans for after he's gone.]
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He must've been. [ ... ] You're right. He'd been fighting.
I should appreciate how brave that is. But... I can't stop thinking of how scared he must've been.
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I know. Me too. I just wish I'd been there too, to help him.
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[ oh no the sad icon. they should've killed haru, rin would've been better at comforting her. he'll at least lean against her side, though it feels as much for her own sake than his. weakly, ]
...Why have a team if we can't help each other?
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sometimes it's better to lean against someone and just be sad.]
We can. It's just...harder than I thought it would be.
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...It is. [ he'd really thought that if they focused on working with others and making themselves a small target, they wouldn't be hit. as scared as he'd been for his safety, he'd thought rin's kindness would attract a different sort of attention.
he just lets things be quiet for a moment, but that gets oppressive. ] What do you want to do now, Ylfa? I'll help you and Gerard no matter what.
[ from the tightness in his voice, it's not nobility, but desperation—they're all that's left. ]
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I don't want to lose anyone else. That's all.
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[ he looks off at nothing in particular. a weird splotch on the concrete of their warehouse. their colorful, eclectic furniture that seems too bright now. ]
Someone asked me what I would do now. Because getting Rin back means I have to win. When... I would've been okay. Just living out the time we have. [ as long as they worked hard together. as long as they survived. ]
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[she swallows, looking at it as well. the portrait of all of them as birds, the balloons, which are probably deflated by now. their chart of team ratings]
...Did you know, too? That we were never going to win by having the highest coolness and swimability. But it was a game that I was having fun playing.
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I knew. [ he thinks at heart, no matter how lighthearted things were, they all knew. rin, too. he sounds defeated, though he smiles as a helpless little gesture. ] But I was having fun too. We're a good team. ...The best one here.
[ not because he thought they would soundly beat out the competition with their coolness alone, but he felt they were on the same wavelength. he looks over rin's messy handwriting on their wall, bumpy with the uneven texture. it's bold and brash; each word he wrote is bigger than haru's tidy notes. like even that was a competition between them. ]
I don't want to win. I've never cared about winning anything—Rin's always been the competitive one. I don't know... where to go. Since he isn't pushing me anymore.
But I can't lose you and Gerard, either.
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[she agrees. they all died and were forced into a murder competition and it was still fun. they were happy for a little while. it hurts to lose that most of all.]
I can try to push you, if that's what you need. But I don't really want to. I like you the way you are.
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he leans his head forward to press onto his knees, and doesn't move. ]
...Let's talk to Gerard.
[ he's not good at making decisions. he is not the swim captain of his club. ]
Ylfa. I like you as you are, too. [ so don't go anywhere. ]
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...talking to gerard seems like a good idea.]