Weren't we all...? [ but yeah, it sucked. ] ...At first, it was to win the competition to come back to life. Then, it was to make sure our worlds didn't end. By then, we were earning points to make sure we could revive everyone.
[ it gets very fucky because the game escalated and changed every week but that's the gist of it ]
I don't like thinking about people as numbers though. Ylfa... my teammate and I weren't good at that part.
That's the hard part. Staying human... Ylfa accepted the monstrous parts of herself, but I liked the human parts of us. Of everyone here. [ even if they all eventually do terrible things and cast terrible judgments. ]
[ he tries not to underestimate kids because his teammate was Death and also twelve, but he can't imagine things are easy for her anyway. moreso given the circumstances than her age. we have killed so many scawwys/scawwy adjacents. ]
The stakes are just as high this time, but it feels more—...transparent.
[ YEAHHHh thinks about how high their body counts are
before he can respond, he's hit by the memory—and it really does feel like a blow. their circumstances are very different—kate was possessed by something, and he was not—yet the train of thought and the bloodshed is about the same.
still, he's paled a little at the violence when they emerge. ]
[ he's quiet, stewing in the memory a moment. in the brief silence, a voice in a memory speaks.
"Do you want to win? ...Did you know, too? That we were never going to win by having the highest coolness and swimability. But it was a game that I was having fun playing."
"I knew. But I was having fun too." ]
I wish friendship was enough. [ that teamwork and camaraderie and innocently avoiding the inevitable was enough, alone. but even so, ] It still means something, though.
I'd been going to him for help. Because he knew the monster inside of me had taken control. But he ended up getting killed, because he was helping me...
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...It was a competition. Killing, killing without being caught, it all had different point values. To get the numbers we needed...
[ he trails off a bit, yet sufficed to say, it was a lot. ]
But it wasn't like the ones where you get "possessed." I won't say what we did was right.
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What were the numbers for?
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[ it gets very fucky because the game escalated and changed every week but that's the gist of it ]
I don't like thinking about people as numbers though. Ylfa... my teammate and I weren't good at that part.
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[ a pause, and he sighs. ]
That's the hard part. Staying human... Ylfa accepted the monstrous parts of herself, but I liked the human parts of us. Of everyone here. [ even if they all eventually do terrible things and cast terrible judgments. ]
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[ he tries not to underestimate kids because his teammate was Death and also twelve, but he can't imagine things are easy for her anyway. moreso given the circumstances than her age. we have killed so many scawwys/scawwy adjacents. ]
The stakes are just as high this time, but it feels more—...transparent.
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[ well,
there's another wind that blows through here and gives us another memory! trades you serial killer lore for serial killer lore. ]
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before he can respond, he's hit by the memory—and it really does feel like a blow. their circumstances are very different—kate was possessed by something, and he was not—yet the train of thought and the bloodshed is about the same.
still, he's paled a little at the violence when they emerge. ]
—Ah. [ ah. ] You've had a hard time too.
[ being toyed with, indeed. ]
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[ she goes a little still, smoke rising from her head. ]
Yes. I suppose so.
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"Do you want to win? ...Did you know, too? That we were never going to win by having the highest coolness and swimability. But it was a game that I was having fun playing."
"I knew. But I was having fun too." ]
I wish friendship was enough. [ that teamwork and camaraderie and innocently avoiding the inevitable was enough, alone. but even so, ] It still means something, though.
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I'd been going to him for help. Because he knew the monster inside of me had taken control. But he ended up getting killed, because he was helping me...
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But it doesn't sound like he regretted helping you. More like... he was disappointed he couldn't help you more.