it's not fair, that matsui has to think of everyone as his enemy. even though rang would have encouraged this at any other time (because he's insane), because matsui has to keep everyone at arms length, even those who'd only wish him well, to want to help him,
it's not fair when this is exactly what buzen would hope from everyone, to surround matsui with love and know that he's not alone,]
Buzen would be grateful to you.
[because rang is sURE AS HELL NOT EQUIPPED TO SHOW MATSUI LOVE!!!!!! if the situation was different... but no, he doesn't think it'd ever be,]
...It might help Matsui -- maybe even a little bit, to feel how you feel.
[ he remembers very recently what it was like to treat everyone as a suspect—were the people being kind to him the same ones who had hurt rin? in his darkest moments, those ugly thoughts came easily.
it can only be worse for matsui, alone in this warehouse with grief that could fill an ocean. he doesn't know if his well wishes would matter in the face of such a tide.
but he wishes that what rang is saying is true. he exhales sharply, shoulders tense. ]
And I'm grateful to Buzen-san.
[ immeasurably so. ]
That's why—when Matsui-san is ready, I'll hold his hand too. And he can feel my emotions himself. [ ... ] So he has to hang in there until then.
get ready for the insane typos im gonna make tomorrow
[rang thinks again how ill equipped he is to carry on these sentiments, that he is a person who ruins and has ruined. there is a sense of helplessness from him that he hates feeling, but feels anyway.
he lifts his hand and presses it against haru's head. how very human. the half of him that's cowardly is the whole part of haru that's brave,]
He will. He'll be there tomorrow, I promise.
[maybe humans will succeed where rang has failed. maybe haru and everyone else will be the answer,]
[ this is all very kind sentiment but it only makes it more embarrassing for when we scapegoat today
there's a faint feeling of comfort when rang pats his head, which is immediately shadowed by embarrassment. he puts up with this like a cat that is trying hard not to bolt under a porch. ]
...You will be too.
[ he doesn't think anyone is as Sad as matsui, but it's undoubtedly rough on rang, too. considering his team is down to two. ]
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...His emotions are too out of control.
[he doesn't say it sternly or coldly, just matter of factly. because he thinks haru understands this, in that he'd lost rin just last week.]
If you get close, you'll want to hurt yourself.
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he gets it, though he's also not a mentally unstable sword. ]
...He won't, will he? Hurt himself?
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...I'll be there to stop him.
[unless matsui makes rang black out from GRIEF,]
I don't know how he'll be tomorrow, but you can try talking to him tomorrow.
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...I wouldn't know what to say.
[ he knows there's nothing that fixes this. ]
But Matsui-san was there for me. ...I want to help him, however I can.
WHY DID I WRITE TOMORROW TWICE
it's not fair, that matsui has to think of everyone as his enemy. even though rang would have encouraged this at any other time (because he's insane), because matsui has to keep everyone at arms length, even those who'd only wish him well, to want to help him,
it's not fair when this is exactly what buzen would hope from everyone, to surround matsui with love and know that he's not alone,]
Buzen would be grateful to you.
[because rang is sURE AS HELL NOT EQUIPPED TO SHOW MATSUI LOVE!!!!!! if the situation was different... but no, he doesn't think it'd ever be,]
...It might help Matsui -- maybe even a little bit, to feel how you feel.
Emotional Damage
it can only be worse for matsui, alone in this warehouse with grief that could fill an ocean. he doesn't know if his well wishes would matter in the face of such a tide.
but he wishes that what rang is saying is true. he exhales sharply, shoulders tense. ]
And I'm grateful to Buzen-san.
[ immeasurably so. ]
That's why—when Matsui-san is ready, I'll hold his hand too. And he can feel my emotions himself. [ ... ] So he has to hang in there until then.
get ready for the insane typos im gonna make tomorrow
he lifts his hand and presses it against haru's head. how very human. the half of him that's cowardly is the whole part of haru that's brave,]
He will. He'll be there tomorrow, I promise.
[maybe humans will succeed where rang has failed. maybe haru and everyone else will be the answer,]
yaywon your fuckin sleep
there's a faint feeling of comfort when rang pats his head, which is immediately shadowed by embarrassment. he puts up with this like a cat that is trying hard not to bolt under a porch. ]
...You will be too.
[ he doesn't think anyone is as Sad as matsui, but it's undoubtedly rough on rang, too. considering his team is down to two. ]
If you need help tomorrow, don't be stubborn.