[ ray i'm sorry i lost this notif to the memshare and cyoa mines please throw me a memory posthaste. haru looks around meanwhile, very faintly amused. ]
the room akito has led you to isn't that impressive. whatever you expected, it's just an ordinary dressing room, even for a star of yasuhiro isshiki's caliber - and he does look like a star, still in his stage costume. he's been nothing but polite and kind since introductions, the exact opposite of the caricature you couldn't stop imagining after the performance. but it still makes you nervous, to be the center of focus for someone this talented.
isshiki-san is on another level, so when he asks for your thoughts, you can't help but ramble on excitedly about this detail and that, from the lyrics to the music to the lighting, and all the ways it made you lose your mind. you're still excited and reeling from the show - how could you not be? everything you felt tumbles out of you before you can even stop to think how embarrassing it is to act this way, with isshiki-san patiently waiting for you to finish.
"What I found most amazing was that instruments and voices aren't the only things that can make music. You don't just sing. The entire stage, the entire performance is part of your music. I felt the sounds with my whole body. I know that you're not playing music for fun. You're putting your whole existence on the line."
you could tell from the moment he stepped on stage. isshiki performs with everything he has... but it sounds silly, doesn't it? to talk about a concert this way. so you backtrack, knowing your inexperience is probably just blowing this out of proportion.
"Oh... Sorry. I'm just an amateur, so what am I even saying?"
you really shouldn't have followed akito, after all - all you've done is embarrassed yourself in front of a celebrity. but just as you're thinking that, and preparing to make an excuse to leave...
"Putting my whole existence on the line..." isshiki turns to your friend, sharing a somber look. "Akito, did you...?"
"I didn't say a word about it to him. That topic never came up even when we were talking about it. I'm sure Kazuki doesn't know."
you really don't - you have no idea what they're talking about. so you ask, and he tells you - he is betting everything. he'll never give anything less, because while he loves his music, he is afraid. afraid of a day when he won't be able to sing anymore, so now, in the present, he'll give his all.
"Back then, I enjoyed singing so much. It wasn't for anyone in particular. I sung for myself. I was earnest, but I don't think I was desperate as I am now. I'd never dreamed of having my songs taken away from me."
"What do you mean?"
akito steps in. "Isshiki-san, I don't think you should..."
but isshiki interrupts him with a shake of his head. "No. I want him to know. Especially if he wants to play music seriously."
whatever it is, it's serious. so you stand a little straighter, look directly at isshiki, and wait. he has your full attention, and whatever story he plans to tell will have its due respect.
"In the past," he begins, "I was mistakenly arrested. They said I pushed someone off a train platform. It wasn't true, of course. Me another guy were just trying to help save a drunk man. But the police officer at the scene didn't listen to us. They told me to admit to my crimes, and that I'd get a reduced sentence if I just told the truth."
"What the hell?" you're indignant. "But that's...!"
"It's like something from a TV show, right?" he smiles again, humorless. "It didn't feel real to me. Eventually, our innocence was proven. But life didn't just go back to normal. Even though I was wrongly accused, I was still branded a criminal. The man's bereaved family blamed me. They doubted that both me and the other man were framed and refused to see us as victimes. The nightmare continued for us." isshiki looks at you, gentle eyes filled with sorrow. "Reality took away my precious dream."
Akito continues for him, "...Isshiki-san was going to make his professional debut with a band called Gaimu. Once he was mistakenly arrested, his debut was cancelled."
you remembered that name, but it's vague at best. you hadn't been following the band - there were too many to keep track of all the time, so there was no way you'd remember even if you had. even if you'd read about it or seen it on the news, you would have forgotten before long - because it didn't affect you at all. it had nothing to do with you, so why should you care? things happen all the time, so it's just another incident that passed you by.
but if it was you - if it had been your dream on the line - you'd have been devastated.
isshiki goes on to tell you that the officer sent him a letter expressing his regret, explaining that he'd been trying to advance his career. of course he didn't deserve forgiveness, and isshiki didn't give it. apologizing wouldn't fix what the cop had done to ruin isshiki's career - it wouldn't bring that lost time back. so isshiki started again solo, knowing he had nothing to hide, knowing someone would understand his songs if they simply heard - or so he'd thought. they didn't come to hear his music. instead, people came to just to see a tragic celebrity, arrested for a crime he hadn't committed. something to gawk at, nothing more.
"All of my efforts seemed meaningless. I thought about quitting music more than once."
"But you never did."
"No. If I quit now, I know that I'd never be able to sing again. But it was only recently that I decided that I was going to put everything into my music. You know, too. The X-Day Incident that happened a few days ago." you know the one. adonis had killed four police officers, right on camera, broadcast for everyone in shinjuku to see. you'd been looking up a new song when they overtook the stream. "Yes. The cop who got killed was the offer who mistakenly arrested me."
so obviously isshiki was a suspect. and despite proving his innocence, he still gets tailed, at times.
"But I didn't care about the past anymore. I don't feel better knowing he's dead. Actually... it hurts. Hatred doesn't give birth to anything. I didn't want to turn hatred into a song. Your daily life can be shattered in an instant. Being able to sing again is like a miracle for me. Who knows when it'll be taken away again?
It's not just me. Everyone's living with that fear all the time. That's why I want o bring my music to as many people as I can. I'll put it all on the line until the day I can't sing anymore."
you already knew, but if you had any doubts, they disappear after hearing that. isshiki's music is real, with his raw emotions woven into the chords. that's why it could draw you in so easily, so deeply. but that's an ability you could only get from losing it all, isn't it?
isshiki continues, "Because of my history, I'm genuinely happy to hear what you said about my show. If my message reached you, that means that I did exactly what I wanted to."
[ the life of a rock star, of crime and "justice," it's all very outside of haru's normal realm of understanding. but the reaper's game has taught him plenty on right and wrong and the ambiguity between, and—well, he has his own passions, even if they aren't singing.
as tragic as the situation is, as frustrating as it all rings, haru offers a small smile. ]
...He reached you with his music. It only worked because you really listened.
[ he's felt similarly before, with swimming. so. ]
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w3 monday
I don't know what I expected, but this is... not it.
[ sandbox? stuffed animals?? ]
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Just like the real thing.
[ no ]
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[ okok have a memory. anyway, ]
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as tragic as the situation is, as frustrating as it all rings, haru offers a small smile. ]
...He reached you with his music. It only worked because you really listened.
[ he's felt similarly before, with swimming. so. ]
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Well - yeah? What's the point of music if you're not going to really listen to it, anyway?