[ he, uh, swallows hard before he starts because this one is probably going to be a lot worse, but they’d said they’d want to know (and had promised to never ever be mad). ]
I killed Shenhe.
[ he at least speaks steadily enough, even if he’s awkwardly moving his hands around like he’s not sure what to do with them. ]
There was a lot of reasons. I’m sure just as many of them as excuses as much as they are actual logic, but I think it’s only fair to say why. We … have to get back. Alive. It is not a question of maybe. If we don’t, then our world and probably every other world is going to be destroyed. Maybe even yours too. So we … always had to act. Hoping it would work— No one is coming to save us. I don’t know if there’s another way. Everything I’ve asked, everything you’ve asked, they know isn’t possible.
That said, I … knew Ylfa had the idea she had to do this. And I think I was afraid of making the decision for myself, but I couldn’t sit by and let her - make her do that for us. [ HE DOES CLOSE BOTH EYES FOR A SECOND. ] I really did think I’d beaten her to the punch, neither of us knew the other’s plans. But it made sense. If we had to win, get enough points, then I could be the one to do that. Because you, um, get more points. If you don’t wait for the text message to tell you to do it. If I was caught, I don’t think people would hurt Haru and Ylfa. I’m … expendable. So it made sense.
Shenhe and I. We spoke, before I did anything. I didn’t— She was my friend. I didn’t want to stab her in the back, and I wanted it to be as fair a fight as we could manage. So I didn’t know if I would be coming back. So I think she understood. I hope she did. She wanted the same things, and she was planning to kill for her team as well. She was from the same world as multiple people, so I wouldn’t be destroying her - well, your - world. That’s the last thing I want. So it felt … I don’t know. Even. She was playing the same game as us, understood the stakes.
We want to win, and we want to bring back as many as we can. I don’t know that everyone will be possible. I’ve been asking questions, trying to come up with solutions, and maybe there are some, but I think we’re just. Too late to bring everyone back to life. I promise we are going to bring back anyone who we’ve hurt.
2/3
I killed Shenhe.
[ he at least speaks steadily enough, even if he’s awkwardly moving his hands around like he’s not sure what to do with them. ]
There was a lot of reasons. I’m sure just as many of them as excuses as much as they are actual logic, but I think it’s only fair to say why. We … have to get back. Alive. It is not a question of maybe. If we don’t, then our world and probably every other world is going to be destroyed. Maybe even yours too. So we … always had to act. Hoping it would work— No one is coming to save us. I don’t know if there’s another way. Everything I’ve asked, everything you’ve asked, they know isn’t possible.
That said, I … knew Ylfa had the idea she had to do this. And I think I was afraid of making the decision for myself, but I couldn’t sit by and let her - make her do that for us. [ HE DOES CLOSE BOTH EYES FOR A SECOND. ] I really did think I’d beaten her to the punch, neither of us knew the other’s plans. But it made sense. If we had to win, get enough points, then I could be the one to do that. Because you, um, get more points. If you don’t wait for the text message to tell you to do it. If I was caught, I don’t think people would hurt Haru and Ylfa. I’m … expendable. So it made sense.
Shenhe and I. We spoke, before I did anything. I didn’t— She was my friend. I didn’t want to stab her in the back, and I wanted it to be as fair a fight as we could manage. So I didn’t know if I would be coming back. So I think she understood. I hope she did. She wanted the same things, and she was planning to kill for her team as well. She was from the same world as multiple people, so I wouldn’t be destroying her - well, your - world. That’s the last thing I want. So it felt … I don’t know. Even. She was playing the same game as us, understood the stakes.
We want to win, and we want to bring back as many as we can. I don’t know that everyone will be possible. I’ve been asking questions, trying to come up with solutions, and maybe there are some, but I think we’re just. Too late to bring everyone back to life. I promise we are going to bring back anyone who we’ve hurt.