[ nu i was an embarrassing sports anime for too long
but pfft... cute ]
You didn't deny it. [ just saying!!! it's teasing, though, lightly. ] But, I don't think you're wrong. It's lucky to have such a strong support system - even if they're a little odd.
he's a little !!!!! at being called out like this, letting out a soft huff. rin is the blustery tsundere of their group, but he doesn't like being perceived either. ]
...Whatever. [ WHATEVER!!!! ] They're my teammates. They're important. It's just like having support here.
Haha. I can't say I've ever been much of a team sportsman. Or a sportsman at all.
[ if you couldn't tell by his literal everything. you could probably knock fei du over with a stiff breeze. ]
But, I see what you...
[ "mean", he is going to say, when a goddamn pig decides to stick its cute little head up and oink. and shares this! ]
[ the room around you is abuzz with workers, but your mind is perfectly, chemically, calm.
five minutes ago, you made a phone call to the head of a broadcasting company in the downtown of yan city, and money, as you have always known, talks. this is a moment of crisis, and while you aren't the police bureau or the government, today, you are involved, because today, it feels like you have to be.
“Where’s the video processor?”
“Lights, lights, lights… Hey, look out for that wire!”
you have to force yourself to stay still. you can't pace - in front of these people, in front of everyone, you have to keep yourself steady. your leather shoe taps against the floor in a steady 4/4 beat, an easy reminder of you raise me up so i can stand on mountains, one, two, three, four. you can separate yourself from the world and from the persistent pounding of your memories on the back of your head to do what has to be done. you are ready.
lights. camera. action.
the camera points to you. you stand in a room with just a tall microphone in front of you, the stage lights just a little too harsh. outside of this building, the image of you is being broadcast on a massive billboard screen on a skyscraper. you've interrupted a massive closing ceremony celebration in the east flower market district - a countdown from five minutes stopped at one. the entire east flower market district's eyes are on you, but there's only one pair that you want.
this was your idea. this is how you're going to find her. how you're going to stop her. you have the ability to help and by god you're going to stop it.
(an elderly woman stands on the precipice of a massive skyscraper, and stares at your face.)
you tap the microphone, gently. you're utterly calm when you speak, all peach blossom eyes and ease. ] Hello, auntie. I haven’t heard any news of you. For me, that’s the best news. I want to try using this method to say a few words to you. If you can hear me, please grant me two minutes of your time and listen to what I have to say.
[ the white walled room you're in is dead silent, all of the busy broadcasting workers holding their breath as you talk to the woman who you can't see. you've become so fond of her, wang xiujuan - you've seen her hurt and her suffering, you let her sob on your shoulder as she discovered the news about her son. her wrinkled, gnarled hand that trembled when they held onto yours. her tiny, reedy voice. the way she called you a nice boy, the way she held onto you even when her world started falling apart. you let those images flood through your mind as you speak. ] Auntie, if my own mother were still alive, she would be about the same age as you.
...I came home more frequently than Zhongyi. After all, he had to work hard to save money to pay for your treatment, while I was only an idle student. Every weekend, my mother would change the flowers for fresh ones, pour out her efforts preparing my favorite things to eat, clean my room, air out my quilt. She didn’t like having a housekeeper around, so she had to do all these things herself. —Did you also air out Zhongyi’s quilt for him?
[ the memories for you are unbidden and swirl in the back of your mind. your mother was frail and fragile, a bird trapped in a cage - no, not even that. quiet, a little paranoid, held under your father's thumb like a pin on a moth. you keep talking, keep her face at the back of your mind, and your voice takes on a downcast air. ]
...But one day, I came home full of expectation and opened the door. I found there was only a pile of dried twigs in the vase at the door. All the curtains were closed, and the rooms were full of a smell like death. When I reached her room, trembling with fear, what I found wasn’t an aired-out quilt, but her corpse.
Not long ago, you said to me, my mother must have looked forward to me coming home every day. But back then, the policeman who worked the case told me that the night before I came back, she killed herself. [ the images flash so violently in your head. you were fifteen - the woman - the corpse, the neck bruises - that was a dream, no, that wasn't real -]
—I came home at the same time every weekend. She knew that.
[ no, what was real was the woman who hung herself from the rafters of your childhood bedroom. what was real was the music - you raise me up so i can stand on mountains - fei chengyu's hand on your fifteen year old shoulder, the woman's lifeless eyes staring at you and this is your fault and - ]
...Mom, I’ve always wanted to ask you a question. What kind of mother would choose that time, leaving her corpse for her child to find on purpose? I thought every day about how to be good to you, how to make you happy—-how to save money so I could pay for your treatment, how to repay the person who’d lent me the money for your surgery… I still haven’t returned the money, and now I’m alone in a freezer and can’t return home. Are you planning to leave me here? If you’re all so heartless, then why did you act like you cared about us so much before?
[ now, that's not your story. that's the victim of this case, he zhongyi - that's her son. you purposefully blur the lines, a masterful presentation of falsehood sprinkled in with the truth. isn't it more palatable that way? can't you handle it better, if you do? you're pretending to be he zhongyi for a moment, his voice from beyond the grave, but are you really talking to her?
(parts of your childhood are hazy, but your mother isn't.)
you pause. count to five, as your emotions threaten to get the better of you, but you'll never, ever let them. you let the silence fall before you continue. ]
...Auntie, the murderer hasn’t been caught yet, and you don’t understand any of the circumstances. Doing this in such a muddle, how do you plan to tell Zhongyi? I implore you, wherever you are now, could you come as quickly as possible to the square? We’re all looking for you. We’ll go catch the murderer together, and when he’s caught, you’ll still have to take Zhongyi home, and I still want to speak with you for a while.
[ will it be enough to stop her? could you have stopped your mother, if you'd just said something? if he looked away - if you were more of a man, if you were stronger, if you'd stood up to your father, would she still be alive? old and gnarled and wrinkled, with the chance to see her son on this screen? if you were just strong enough. if you'd just been strong enough.
your heart lodges in your throat, and the truth slips out, before you know it, and your vulnerability is put on display for the entirety of yan city to see, and for one older woman whose life you desperately want to save. you'll never, ever let them see your emotions, you tell yourself, but you speak, achingly soft and it's with the honesty of something you want more than anything in the world: ]
...Could you...give me another chance to pretend I’m seeing my mom?
[ - and that's the end of the broadcast.
the lights go off in the room. you tap your foot. one. two. three. four.
a moment later, there's the sound of a radio crackling to life, and a breathless voice informs you and the rest of the room that they found wang xiujuan - that captain luo wenzhou saved her life, caught her by the ankle when she nearly slipped off the top of a building where she was about to jump, and you exhale your shivery relief when no one's paying attention. there's still a criminal to catch, and you stride out of the broadcasting studio with a click of your shoes on the floor and the confidence you'd expect out of president fei.
(it doesn't heal the wound, but there's something cathartic, in saving that woman's life. there's something cathartic in knowing the money you sit on will be used not for evil, but for good. you're already setting aside the fund for her, to make sure she never wants for anything ever again.
later, after the man who murdered her son is in custody, luo wenzhou asks if that was the truth. you flippantly shake your head no, and tell him you wanted to pull at her heartstrings, but it's a lie. he doesn't need to know how close that came to your core.
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...They just do whatever they want. [ he can't stop them from being a bunch of loving goobers. especially makoto and nagisa. ] Friends are like that.
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but pfft... cute ]
You didn't deny it. [ just saying!!! it's teasing, though, lightly. ] But, I don't think you're wrong. It's lucky to have such a strong support system - even if they're a little odd.
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he's a little !!!!! at being called out like this, letting out a soft huff. rin is the blustery tsundere of their group, but he doesn't like being perceived either. ]
...Whatever. [ WHATEVER!!!! ] They're my teammates. They're important. It's just like having support here.
cw for suicide attempts, suicide mention
[ if you couldn't tell by his literal everything. you could probably knock fei du over with a stiff breeze. ]
But, I see what you...
[ "mean", he is going to say, when a goddamn pig decides to stick its cute little head up and oink. and shares this! ]